cursing

The person/persons that created Sudoku. OMG. I can't stop!! Aaak. So, y'all are gonna kill me....
But I have my domain hosted again. I know I know. LOL. I am hoping to get it all together this week, and then ill start posting over there. I will let you know. I also have an asston of photos to post. Just don't be holding your breath waiting! LOL

argh

Every asshole on Earth that has a loud car, truck, or motorcycle drove passed my house today
while I was trying to nap.
To say that I am disgruntled is a huge understatement.

Jerks.

ow.

My kid and her obsession with trees, sticks and acorns is going to do me in, people!
I am laying here in bed, trying to figure out what I did to my hip. It was hurting like hell. I rolled over to rub it and there it was/...an acorn. In my bed. Under the covers. *sigh*

Why?

Why do people ACT like they care? I mean, seriously.. what is the point??
Either you do, or you don't. And if you don't, that is fine, just quit pretending like you give a shit because it is HIGHLY annoying.

And no. This is not directed at anyone in particular. I'm just sayin'.

And?

Nutcrackers are right up there with clowns on the old creep-o-meter. At least for me anyway.

*shudders*

one more thing

I am completely jealous of people who can knit socks. I LOVE KNITTED SOCKS.

That is all...

empty heart.

I have been a die hard John Mellencamp fan for many years. His music has always spoken to me. I find bits and pieces of myself in his words.

For the first time in a loong time, I listened to him today. I turned on the stereo in the living room, and the Lonesome Jubilee CD was in there. This has long been one of my favorites. Every song on this speaks to me. It is an amazing piece of work.

What REALLY amazes me is how 10 years ago, this album spoke to me. And here I am all these years later, in a different place, and shaking my head saying "Ain't THAT the truth." I can STILL find myself in these songs.

Today, I had to stop what I was doing, and allow myself to have a good cry.
It was because of a song called Empty Hands. Now, do not get me wrong. We are having money issues. But I know that we are STILL far more fortunate that a LOT of people. It was not the 'being broke' aspect of this song that got to me though. It was about looking back, and thinking of all of those dreams and expectations I had when T and I first got together. It was about seeing all of that go down the drain. It was about the absolute despair that I feel. It was about feeling like I am failing my child for staying in a crappy situation.

The lyric that did me in?

'Maryanne, she´s fixin´ up some breakfast
Got the lights on, on the christmas tree
Sittin´ there, lookin´ up at an angel
With something dyin´ inside of me

Grew up with great expectations
Heard the promise and I knew the plan
They say people get what they deserve
But lord, sometimes it´s much worse than '

I was making breakfast and cleaning the kitchen. The lights on the tree are on.
And something inside of me is indeed dying.
And yes, sometimes? It IS much worse than that.
*sigh*

Towards the end of the song, another partial verse did me in, the flood gates opened, I had to stop the heat under my eggs and run for the kleenex. Man, I had a GOOD hard cry. Not that it did any good, really. It DID help me feel a wee bit less like I have an anvil sitting on my heart though, so I guess that is something.

'Without hope, without love
You´ve got nothing but pain
Just makes a man not give a damn
That´s no way for us to live'

Yeah. Got lots of crappy things going on. So did not need this, ever. But it is out of my hands. For the first time in my life, I have turned it over to God. I have done all that I can do.

Merry Christmas. Not sure how much I will be around, as I have to get school done, so I can get a job, so I can get me and Maya a place to live.

Yeah. You read that right.

2009 HAS to be a better year, because I cannot do this any.more.

meh

So I never heard back from that woman. What a bummer. I did find out that she is the mom of my cousins ex-girlfriend. I have actually met her daughter. Crazy. I still swear it is her. I would bet my undies on it. LOL

My cousin Kristin is going to ask Brittany, her daughter, for me. Maybe she doesn't remember me. Maybe it really ISN'T her. I don't know. If it IS her, and she does not remember, that would make me really sad. I guess I do not leave much of an impression on people. *sigh* However, if it IS her? I am just glad to see her alive and well, because I have wondered about her muchly since 1982!

Soooo, that is that.

On to other things. We are so broke. B R O K E. As in ramen-noodles-for-lunch-every-day broke. Sad. My Mom bought us our tree. Thank you Mom. She also funded Christmas for us this year. I bought T a few things yesterday. And I have a few things for Maya. Today I am getting something for my Mom, even though she said not to. And then T will have a few bucks to shop for Maya.

We had to send the bankruptcy court 300 bucks this paycheck and that hurt. ugh.

Annnnyway. I am currently doing up my Christmas cards. If you would like to swap cards with me, drop me an email... jenDOThendersonATgmailDOTcom. I love getting cards. weee

Stace, yours was the first one I got! I always open your cards so carefully. LOL
:O)

huh.

So, every now and then out of boredom, I do google searches for things like the small town that I used to live in when I was a kid. I do searches on Flickr as well.

Tonight, on myspace, I did a search for people within a 10 mile radius of the zip code. I found my cousin, who lives in the next town over. Cool. Then, I see this face. The face of a 36 year old woman. Only I didn't see the face of her now as she is. I saw the face of a 9 year old girl. My best friend, Yolanda.

Y and I were great friends. We spent lots of time together and one day her Mom packed up her and her brother, Shannon, and left town. I never heard from her again. To this VERY day, I think of her. It bothers me because this would have been a life long friendship, without a doubt. I've missed her. I know that her birthday was in May, and this woman is a Taurus. That is April/May, right??

She is 36. Right age. And her eyes. And her smile. I swear ta GOD, if this is not her, I will eat my shoes. I will be VERY surprised.

Of course, it could just be wishful thinking, and as soon as my brain saw her and her name and age, my imagination went into overdrive.

But I hope that is not the case. I hope it is her. I sent her a message. I will be checking my myspace with rabid OCD-ness in the next few days. The other things? Some people on her friends list are from Illinois. I DO know that that is where she was originally from. All the rest of her friends are all from that area in WV.

Oh. I hope it is her. I really really do.
*sigh*

Perspective

I was on Flickr just now. Found a group for photos taken in the 80s. What a hoot. So I came across some photos from this one woman, and I clicked over to her stream. She mentioned that she was the mom of 5 children. Two of whom died. One girl was stillborn and a boy who died and was delivered at 17 weeks. She took photos, and posted them on her site, with a warning due to the graphic nature.

I couldn't click through. I just. couldn't. do. it.

I am sitting here now, a sobbing, snotty mess.

I love Maya with every fiber of my being. And that is a LOT of fibers. I just simply can NOT imagine. And here I sit and bitch about her sleep issues as of late. Pffft.

I am one lucky woman. And I am going to start living my life as a mother in that regard. No more bitching about sleep, or lack of sleep, or whether or not she has taken all of her clothes out of her drawers.

She is here. Alive. Healthy and wonderful. And I just want to enjoy it, enjoy her and my time with her.

I need to go sob some more. Night...

Holy Crap

Is this a good representation of the youth in this country? Because this is pretty much what myspace is made up of, at least from this age group.

That shit right there, is SCARY. Holy crap, man. And what is with all of these stupid white kids calling each other 'nigga'?? It just does not get much lamer than that. Damn.
*shakes head*

I cannot tell you how sad I find this. Are these kids REALLY that STUPID?? REALLY?
gah. Those must be some proud parents.. And before any one jumps on me... I KNOW that there are good and decent teens out there. I also know that as a parent, you can only do so much.

I read several bloggers who have teens and those kids are just as normal as can be. I am talking about these yahoos. Look at that kids page, look at the comments from his friends. I see that crap ALL over myspace. I have 2 teens on my friends list (kids of old friends) and this kid is a friend of a friend of one of them. I just start clicking around randomly when bored and I see this crap..they are every where. Like a virus.

I know that as a teen I was not perfect. We 'do' things as kids. We act stupid and we are carefree and we do shit for stupid reasons. And most of us don't care about consequences. That is where I (and a few of my good friends) differed. I DID care.
I thought about things most times, before I did anything. I avoided some really stupid situations by simply giving a shit about what my parents actually thought of me. I KNEW BETTER. (That being said, I did get myself into one mess, that I regret, and that I feel awful over to this very day. But I cannot change the past, and it really changed who I am. Just wanting to show that I was not some goody-goody who never did anything wrong. I did plenty.)

But even at my dumbest, at my absolute worst, I was nowhere near this. And I have several people who can vouch for me on that!! (Tina, Nana, Lynn, Stace, MOM!)

My parents would have KICKED MY ASS if I had even THOUGHT of acting like such an idiot.

I mean, I am all for exploring ones self, and for testing boundaries and all that. It is normal and it is how we learn and grow. It is helps us to get where we are today. Lord knows, I made some REALLY stupid decisions over the years. But again, my ni*gas, I never, EVER, was like this...

It just boggles my mind.
Tina, can you imagine if Johnny or Jacob turned out like that???
They would never see the light of day!! LOL

(PS. Don't get your panties in a wad over the 'n' word. Keep it in context, people. Thanks)

Random Brain Dump

I found the kid of one of my former best friends on myspace. She brings the drama just like her mama. Poor kid.

Awhile back we converted Maya's crib to a toddler bed. She never attempted to get out, which both amazed and amused us. That is no longer. I put her down for a nap yesterday, and after about 30 minutes I realized that there was no way she was going to go to sleep. When I went in to get her, this is what I found:




That would be all of her dirty laundry, a mostly full package of diapers as well as a mostly full package of wipes. Good times, yo. She KNEW she was so busted as soon as I opened the door. Her little face had "Ooooh SHIT!" written aaaall over it. I had to stifle my laughter, and then I tried to salvage as many wipes as I could.

I have been flat out exhausted the last few days. During the day I am ok, but come 8 p.m. or so, and I am falling asleep in my chair. Never happens. I was in bed by 9:30 last night. I farted around on my phone for a bit, but by 10:20 or so I was OUT, and I didn't get up til almost 7. This is odd for my night owl-ness and insomnia-prone self. I could have gone right back to sleep too, but Maya is up.

If it were humanly possible, I'd swear I was pregnant. This is how I felt in the early days of my pregnancy with Maya. But no, I am SURE that I am not. You have to have sex to get pregnant. :OP

Annnnnyway. My office is so nice now. All organized and clean and stuffs. I have a load or two of clothes to get done today, and I need to vacuum. I also want to get Maya outside for a bit to run off some of her boundless energy! I gotta empty the dishwasher, take some chicken out of the freezer, and I have lots of studying to do today. Sorry to bore you that. That list was more for my benefit. LOL

*yawns*

And with that, I am off. :O)

Irritated

People just assume that if you are having trouble paying for your house, that you just bought too much house.

That is not the case for a lot of people. We purchased well under what we were approved for. We live in a 30 year old house in a 35 year old neighborhood. Meh. I know I have talked about this before. I feel guilty. Guilty that we are in this mess. I wonder what people think, even though I really shouldn't give a shit.

We do not have an adjustable rate mortgage. We have debt due to unforeseen mental and physical illnesses. We have debt, yes, in part to careless spending. But only because the mental/medical thing happened. We were able to pay for the spending prior to that. And by careless, I mean that we bought new furniture when we bought our house. And we went out to eat a lot. And we took vacations. And we bowled twice a week. And we had friends over for BBQs and parties. We were just...living.

Our biggest mistake was not focusing on savings. While we WERE putting money away, it was not enough.

And now, help would be a welcomed thing. Maybe then I could sleep at night. See, we are awaiting the report from when Todd had his MRI. He may (most likely) be facing more surgery. This time, a probable spinal fusion, and clearing out of arthritis in his lumbar spine. His legs are getting weaker by the day, and he can no longer feel his feet. Temporary disability pays about 60% of his salary. We can say goodbye to this house in that event. *sigh*
So THAT is why the help is needed. As it stands right this very second, we are barely making ends meet. My Mom helps us get groceries and I cannot tell you how much of a loser I feel like as a result. I am so thankful for my Mom. In more ways than one.

He smokes too much, about a pack a day, and that is the most frivolous of our (his) spending. He blows way too much money on the crap but I cannot make him quit, so I have no choice but to deal. I don't go out. I don't do ANYTHING. And it blows.
We do not eat out anymore. We most likely won't even be able to get a Christmas tree this year. And it all boils down to this house payment.

He is due to get a raise in about 5 months. Hopefully it will be a good one. As I had stated in another post, due to some job hopping (as a result of the mental issues he was facing) he is making less now than he was five years ago.

If we could get back to that pay level, all would be well. I am also trying to finish up my schooling so I can get a job. THAT would help things immensely. All we need at this point? Is like an extra $300 a MONTH. That's it. A measly three bills a month and we would be out of the gutter. Ugh.

Anyway... I still cannot help but to get angry at all these comments I am reading on various news articles that pertain to helping people struggling with their mortgage. People just automatically assume that people like me were irresponsible and greedy.
And that is just not the case. Ok, irresponsibility played a small part, but only because we were dumb enough to have that "It won't happen to us" attitude in regards to sickness and craptastic luck.

eh. Sorry. Just venting.

Help...maybe?

I had wanted to post something about today being Veteran's Day. And then I saw this article and I was reduced to tears. I hope we can partake in this. It would make our lives SO much easier right now.

After I stop sobbing like a school girl who just lost her BFF, I will post something of more substance...

breaking bread

My Mom gave me her bread machine about a year or two ago. It has been sitting gathering dust ever since. Good intentions and all...

So today, I knocked the dust off, and baked a loaf of Italian bread. GOOD LORD.
I cannot tell you how freaking deeeelicious it is!! I am going to bake a loaf for my neighbors tomorrow.

I was talking to C today, she is my neighbor across the street. They are in the same kind of financial predicament that we are in. I had no idea. We talked and talked this evening, and she told me that it was so nice to have someone to talk to, that understood what they were going through.

They are on the verge of losing the home that they have lived in for THIRTY years. They refi'd about a year or two ago, before the market went south, anyway. They needed new windows and a new roof and a new AC. They also painted the inside of the house and redid a bathroom. And I can say, the place needed the work. Thirty years of nothing ever being done in there, left it really needing some help.

They did not go overboard with anything. It was a modest bathroom remodel... Anyway, now she has lost clients due to the economy, and W works his ass off. They are just barely making it. She is waiting to hear from the mortgage company as to whether or not they are going to restructure the loan, so they can avoid foreclosure.

We are not quite that bad off just yet. We do have a ridiculous mortgage. That is because we used what equity we had to make improvements. Then we refi'd to consolidate debt and get more money to finish some work we had started.

At that time, it was all well and good as T was making good money. Then he fell apart and went through like 4 jobs. He is now making less than he was 4 years ago, and that has hurt us a LOT. Add in some unforeseen medical expenses and it is a party. And it all just sucks. The market crashed and now we are left with a house that is valued WELL below what it was just 2 years ago. We now have a mortgage that far surpasses the value of the house. We will never get enough in a sale to cover what we owe. So we are stuck.

Same thing with our trucks. We cannot sell them because we are SO upside down on them. We owe way over what they are worth. So selling them is useless, as we would never get what we need to cover the loan. *sigh*

The baking of the bread thing is going to happen a LOT more, because it just simply doesn't get much easier than adding ingredients, and then eating warm gooey bread three hours later. LOL

mmmmm

Next up, cheddar and herb bread and onion soup bread. MMMMM.

Thanks Mom!

Holy Tantrum Batman!!

Yesterday morning, even though it was gray outside and looked like rain, I decided to take Maya to the park. We got there about 9. I was surprised how busy it was. So she is off and running. Everything was going along fine for about 40 minutes. Then, as she was about to go down a big slide, I noticed a wee one at the bottom. Maya would have plowed her over. Wee ones Mother was nowhere to be seen. Who does that? Is it just me? Another woman was there with twin newborns and she just left them in the stroller and was all the way over on the other side of the playground with her son. I mean, would you do that?? Is it just me??

Anyway, I digress. I tell Maya to hold on before she shoots down the slide and kills this small being. I moved the little girl out of the way, and told Maya to come on down. Oy. Too late. She was in the beginnings of a tantrum. I totally thought that once she was able to come on down, all would be ok. HAHAHAHAA. Riiight.

So she slides down the slide. She said she wanted to do it again. So I tried to lead her back to the stairs. She was NOT having it. She started walking in circles. This is never a good sign. LOL

Me: Do you want to go down the slide again?
Her: *screams*
Me: Do you want to go on the swings?
Her: *screams*
Me: What do you want to do then?
Her: *screams*
Me: Ok then. You can sit there and scream. *walks away*
Her: *endoftheworldscreaming*

At this point all of the moms are staring at us. Ugh. Like their little precious has never melted down, right? Why are moms like that?? I'm not. I feel for a mom when I see this sort of thing happening.

I walked over to her to pick her up and she went all jelly on me. You know, the refusal to stand? Arms up so you cannot grasp and pick them up? So I let her plop to her butt. I bent down and tried to pick her up and I swear she dislocated herself at the shoulders, because I could NOT pick her up. She was like a pile of goo. I tried this three damned times before I finally gave in amongst the screaming, and tossed her over my shoulder, kicking and screaming, and headed to the truck.

After like 10 minutes, she was strapped into her car seat, and I shut the door and took a breather. Holy Shit. I have never seen a meltdown of this size from her. She was possessed. It was...weird, to see her this way. She was PISSED. OFF.

Tears rolling, snot flying, red faced, vein popping, gagging and choking pissed off.
I tried to give her her water, and she grabbed the cup, put the straw in her mouth, and bit it like a dog with a chew toy. Head shake and all.

At that point I had to close the door again so she didn't see me CRACK UP. It was hilarious. Poor kid.

I attempted a swipe at the snot with a wipe, that just made her even angrier. So I gave up. I got in the truck and drove home. I WAS going to go vote, but that was going to have to wait. There had been a line at the polling place and I was just spent anyway.

She screamed the whole way home about how she wanted to go back to the playground. I told her that we could try again tomorrow. I told her that I was sorry that she was mad, and that its ok to be mad. However, we were not going back to the playground today. She settled down a bit. When we got home and I took her out of the truck, she wrapped herself around me. We came in the house and sat down and she just chilled out on me for a bit.

Whenever she does this these days, I take it all in. I always want to remember how she feels in my arms. Because I won't always be able to do this. I won't always be able to make things right in her world, simply by holding her and loving her. *tear*

She ate lunch (hot dog and applesauce! YUM...) and then took a THREE HOUR nap.

I guess tantrum-ing is hard work, huh?

Anti-Sammich

Maya won't each sandwiches. It is kind of funny, yet frustrating. She pulls them apart, and eats whatever is inside. You can imagine that with something like PB&J, this makes quite the mess. Today I gave her a cheese sammich, and she did the same. Pulled it apart, ate the cheese and licked the Miracle Whip off of the bread. I don't get it. She LIKES bread. She eats toast, both with just butter and with jelly and even with applesauce on it. She eats a hot dog in a bun. She eats bread with butter when we have beef stew, etc. But a sammich? Nope.

What the hell? LOL

Weirdo.

Halloween was good. She was a witch. Again, no camera. We took pics with my mom's camera so when she sends them to me, I will post. We met my Mom over at my in-laws place and just went to a few houses. She is small yet and we just do not need all that candy in the house. She had a good time, and so did we. It is always good to see my mom-in-law and my Mom. I am so very fortunate that T's family is so wonderful. I REALLY enjoy my MIL's company. (Remember, this is T's step mom, not his mom-mom.) And her and my Mom get on just fine too, which is very cool.

Maya does not get much sugar. I mean, she does as far as fruit goes, being a big fruit eater. But as for garbage sugar? No. So the one little snickers she had today has fueled her craziness all damned day. Bouncing off the walls and such. Momma needs a drink. LOL

Off to clean the pool and grill up some kabobs. mmmmm.

Sandee

For any of you that know, or have followed along with Sandee's battle with cancer, there has been a pretty significant downturn in her condition. Prayers, chants, dances, good thoughts and vibes needed for her and her family. Whatever it is that you do, is appreciated. This woman has fought long and hard. And this news just breaks my heart.

Uhm. WTF?

The hell?


I know it is only one degree, BUT STILL. Colder in Florida this morning than in Massachusetts. Pffft.

Procrastinate much?

I am not sure what my problem is as of late. But I did just about nothing yesterday. How sad. My house is a wreck and I simply just did.not.care.

I cannot be like that today. I have too much that needs to be done. I made a list. And I must get things done.

List?
Finish the laundry
dust
vac and wash floors
clean off my dining table
make two thank you cards
get the bills figured out for the month
make grocery list
remove clutter from living room

I NEED to get all of that done today dammit.

I have been getting up around 4:50ish each morning. My eyes just pop open and I am wide awake, regardless of what time I fall asleep. Instead of letting it get me down as I have in the past, I am embracing it. This is going to be my 'me' time. I made some tea, read the news, read some blogs and have just enjoyed the peace and quiet.

I am about to go get a load of laundry started, fold one basket that needs folding, and then I am gonna bake some banana muffins for breakfast and pack T's lunch.

Then? CLEAN. Seriously this time. LOL

Oh, and I need to find my camera charger so I can show off mah hair.

Random meh.

I am in a weird ass mood today. I am disgruntled, yet thankful. I am motivated, yet procrastinating. I am happy, yet I am not. Meh.

I woke up nice and early this morning and for once, instead of being angry about it, I embraced it. I made a pot of coffee and enjoyed a rather large mug of it. I read the news at my leisure instead of just skimming the headlines. I wandered around my house in the pre-dawn darkness, silently giving thanks that I even HAVE a house.

Our neighbor next door has disappeared. One day, a moving van showed up, loaded up, and we have not seen her since. Yesterday I did a bit of nosing around on google, and found that the house is in foreclosure. She filed Chapter 13, (which allows you to keep your home but you must stay current on the mortgage) but must have not kept up with the payments on the house after consolidation/reorganization. It made me so very sad because this woman seemingly had it together. She was a single mom, and a nurse who worked a LOT. She painted the house, put on a new roof, put in new sod and put up new fencing in the last few years. The sod was just recently. It is all dead now, and looks like shit. She had a sprinkler system installed as well, and never even turned it on.

She had also just bought a new truck. She always had her nails done, her hair done up and she had these funky contacts. They were this orangey color that meshed well with her dark skin. She was beautiful, in truth. Thin and fit, a private woman, but very nice. And her boy seemed like a good kid. I am just so surprised at it all.

There are over 3 THOUSAND homes, just in our little area of Tampa here, that are in foreclosure. Ugh. There is one, a couple of blocks away that was seized as a result of drug charges brought against the owner. It's a 5 bedroom, 2 bath home, on the auction block for $33k. Talk about a steal. I know it is at someone elses expense, but still. That is one of the many reasons why drugs are bad!

The people at the end of our little dead end street are slinging drugs. It is so blatantly obvious. They have been busted before. It is ridiculous the amount of traffic this generates on our street. I was up at 4 the other morning, and watched 3 cars in a 10 minute time period come down my street. They had their lights off. They would pull up, run to the door of the house, knock, get the goods, pay, and drive off up the street, lights still off...

I am tiring of it. I am afraid to call the cops for the simple reason that if these eejits find out that it was me, well, there is no telling what will happen. One of the kids that lives there freaking stole my motorcycle helmut right outta my garage. He is always over here, scoping things out. It makes me crazy. He tells every one that he went to sniper school and that hes joining the army. He was gone for several months but is now back. When T asked him last night what happened the army, he said he was waiting on his medical clearance. HAH! You have to have your med. clearance before the military will even let you go to boot camp. So there is no way this maroon went to freaking sniper school. *eyeroll*

Ok, enough of that. I REALLY need to get off my ass, and clean my house.

Short. And sweet.

I had an awesome day with my Mom and Maya. I was in desperate need of a haircut, and so was Maya. However, we are effing BROKE. So my Mom treated us. I went drastic. Like, REALLY. SHORT. Hilighted to the max. (did I just say that?) Short. Oh and it is SHORT.

LOL

Pics to follow. Maya got hers cut short too. It was just so crazy and damaged from the pool. She looks cute as can be. Her vocabulary is EXPLODING. I love it when she actually answers me when I talk to her. She was real big on just repeating whatever it is that you say to her. Now, she actually answers you and I die each time she does it.
*sigh*

My Mom took us to lunch too. I couldn't eat it all so I got a box for it. And I left it in my Moms fridge. ARGH. I love spending time with my Mom. I love to watch her with Maya. They have such an amazing connection. :O)

Annnnyway, I am freaking BEAT. Going night nights. I wanna take Maya to the playground tomorrow.

Will show off the new Do tomorrow! And hopefully get some pics of M while she is monkeying around!

Random brain dump.

Awhile back, I can remember watching TV with T, and seeing commercials for the show The Dead Zone. The commercials drove me crazy. First off, I was weirded out seeing Anthony Michael Hall as a man. In my mind he is still that dork from the Breakfast Club. Second, they showed the commercials incessantly and it really turned me off from ever watching the show.

I grew up reading Stephen King novels. And this show is based on one of King's books. I had an initial interest in the show. Yet I never watched it until recently.

OMG I am HOOKED. I LOVE IT. If I had the money I would go RIGHT NOW and buy all the seasons on DVD. I TiVo two episodes each week, but they are not shown in order and sometimes they are repeats. Sucks. I would rather watch it in order, but whatever. I will take what I can get.

I was wondering if any of you ever watched it, and if so, what did you think??
I know it is a bit over the top at times, but still. I just love it. And Anthony turned out kinda hot. Which I never expected. LOL

Also, Friday morning I was channel surfing and I came across a deliciously bad movie, that I had not seen in years. The Believers. I HAD to watch it. I had gone to see this movie in the theatre back in 87 with some friends.

There is an actor in the movie named Malick Bowens. Creepiest.man.ever. He was awesome. Every time they showed him, I got the heebs. I wish he had been in more things because he was awesome. The movie is based around the rituals and beliefs of Santeria. Whenever Malick's character would dance, or be in a trance, his eyes would turn this creepy icey-blue. Ah. I am not sure why I felt compelled to tell you that, but well, there you go. :OP

Anyway.. more random posting from yours truly.

:O)

Will you still love me when I'm 64?

Yes. YES YES.
It is currently a glorious 64 degrees outside right now.

I think I hear Angels signing. LOL
Awesome. It is so cool and crispy in my house right now. LOVE.IT.
*sigh*

That is all. Enjoy your Sunday!! I am off to make a pot o' coffee and snuggle with the Pea!

;oD

I emerge unscathed

I am happy to report that we just got in from the playground, and I managed not to run my melon into anything! YAY. Ha.

We did not stay long as the playground is next to a soccer field. As the games ended a lot of the kiddos came over to the play ground. And seven year olds have no patience for 2 year olds. So we called it a day. Next Saturday we will go MUCH earlier. I also plan to take her one day this week. She LOVES the place.

And Mommy knows now where she must duck. :OP

Fiscally responsible or not...

Hah.
No, seriously. We have had some major money issues as of late. I know I have talked about it before. Todd being out of work back when Maya was a baby has really put us in a bind. It is just NOW catching up to us. We cashed out a few IRAs to keep afloat, we borrowed money, we had our tax return and stimulus check, and now, we are out of options. This house payment is killing us. The trucks are killing us. However, we are stuck. The only way out of this mortgage is to walk away. Which is SO NOT happening. People say to me ALL THE TIME, "Why don't you sell a truck?" Uh, because we are so upside down on them that we would NEVER get what we owe. Even voluntarily repo'ing it is useless as we would still be responsible for the loan.

Stuck. We have cut back in every way that we can. We don't go out and do anything that costs money. Occasionally we buy a bottle o' Captain, but only once the bills are paid. That is it. We do nothing else.

One thing that we LOVE to do, and almost feel is a necessity to do once in awhile, is to camp. I cannot explain what camping does for us. If you don't enjoy camping, you would not understand. But both T and I feel at peace when out and about with Mother Nature. And camping is rejuvenating for us. We used to go a lot. We have been once in the last 3 years.

I just booked 2 nights at a local campground for mid-November. We are both itching to camp. It cost us $40 bucks. We take whatever food we have on hand at the time, so there is not really an extra cost there. And we have camping equipment like you wouldn't believe. I have had that stuff for years, as I have always been a camper.

My parents used to take me camping all the time as a kid. I have such great memories from that. And I think that is a lot of the reason why I still love to do so to this day.

I love sitting outside amongst the stars, with drink in hand, and fire roaring. I like being around people who love to camp, even if we have no interaction. I love staying up, long past the time when most of the other campers have retired for the night, just enjoying the silence and the stars. It is renewing for my soul, and for T's as well.

So we decided that we are tired of NOT LIVING. It is the one thing that we REALLY love and enjoy and so I am not going to feel guilty about taking some time FOR US. Because to be honest, and without getting into too much detail? There quite recently was almost no more US. Things had gotten THAT bad. To the point where we were both ready to call it a day. We were saying and doing things that were extremely destructive to our relationship. (and for those that know, no, it didn't go THERE.)
But things got good and ugly. However, I do love him. And he loves me. So we have decided to give this relationship what it deserves and that is time, patience, respect and love. And some camping. :O)

My Mom will come and stay with Maya, and then drop her off with the in-laws until we get back. The next time that we go camping, Maya will come with us. We are first going to set up the tent in the yard and do a trial run with her before we attempt to actually take her. She is a trooper and seems to just go with the flow. But in this instance, we want to be sure. And we want just one more time where it is just the two of us.

I feel better already just having the reservation. I cannot wait.

P.S. My skull still effing HURTS man.
*giggles*

Taking my lumps

We met up with Kris and Evan today at a local park. There was not anyone else there and I am very thankful for that. See, the last time I took Maya to the park, she would NOT go on the slide. So when we got there today, and she headed right for the slide, I was amazed. She LOVED it. I could not get her to STOP this time, to you know, maybe do other things.

Well, she was on her way to the slide yet again, when she made a pit stop at an area that had a pole that you could slide down, you know, like a fire man? There was no way she was big enough to even reach. So I yelled "MAYA NO!!" and went running for her.

Next thing I know, I am flat on my ass with tweety birds circling my head. I ran smack into a monkey bar pole. WHAM! I have a huge lump on my forehead. It hurts like a mofo. I was dizzy for about 15 minutes or so. I sat down and Kris watched Maya for me for a few. I put ice on it right away. I cannot believe that I do not have a bruise. I nailed it man. Hard.

I ended up with one whopper of a headache earlier. And now it hurts like hell if I even THINK about moving my eyebrow in any way. I never realized before just how much I actually 'use' my damned eyebrows. This would have been classic if someone had it on video and youtubed it. Seriously. But, as I said, there was no one else there.

So, aside from me running into playground equipment, the morning went awesome. I have never seen my little girl get so into it as she was today. I admit, I have not taken her to a playground in awhile because she just didn't seem interested. Not so today.

We will be going at LEAST twice a week now, with the nicer weather. She had SO much fun. We took a break and had some tuna sammies and some grapes and lotsa water. It really was a wonderful morning with her, even if my head hurt like hell.


BANG. Classic, I tell you. I didn't even know what the hell happened. LMAO!

Wrath of Grapes

That is all I can get Maya to eat these days. Red grapes. Purple grapes. Green grapes. She asks for them at every snack time, every meal, all the time. And if she doesn't get her grapes? All hell breaks loose!

Oh and Cheerios. She has to have those with the grapes. I am sure that there are worse things that she could be eating. It is frustrating though as she has always been a champion eater.

She WILL eat other stuff, she just has to have grapes FIRST. So, I had a roast in the crock today. I gave her some of it, with the taters, carrots, onions, mushrooms, and celery and she would have nothing to do with it. She just about tossed it on the floor. Luckily I was there to catch it. I had to give her grapes first, now she is eating the roast. LOL. Weirdo.

Tomorrow we are doing a picnic outing with our friends Kris and Evan. Evan is a week older than Maya. He calls her 'Baby', and he is just the cutest little man. He is a total love muffin. He will come right up to you and hug you. He has these adorable dimples and it makes me want a little boy. Even if he DOES scream bloody murder when he doesn't get what he wants.

So I am packing us up a lunch, and we are headed to a park to let the monkeys loose for a bit while the Mommas hang out. :O)
The days have been gorgeous here as of late. This is my favorite time of year here in Florida. It is wonderful. I am looking forward to it muchly.

Brain dump

I have a meatloaf in the oven. I wish this was smell-o-vision, because it would totally make you hungry.

The Tampa Bay Rays won last night and are going to the World Series. I need to say, I am a Red Sox fan, and have been since I was a kid. Not like a rabid fan or anything, but I watched, I rooted etc. I have red sox and my hat. I wore my hat all this week. I took a lot of heat for it. However, I rooted for the Rays, and I have been all season.

I have been to see the Rays on numerous occasions (usually against the Sox, LOL, but still. :OP) and man did they SUCK. Like, painfully so. When they started doing good this year, I was REALLY happy. For the team, and for the fans in this area who have stood by their team NO MATTER WHAT. The Trop was usually empty, and I found that quite sad. It has got to be hard to be motivated when you see the seats empty. Anyway, T and I have been thrilled with their winnings this season. When they won and moved on to the Championship series, we COULD NOT believe it.

We watched. They won. I cried. LOL I was SO HAPPY for them.

Now, had the Sox won, I'd have been just as elated. This was a total and complete win-win situation for me. Seeing the Sox sad and disappointed was no fun. But no matter how much you dislike the Rays, you GOTTA hand it to them. They went from last to first. They played some damned good ball. AND? They did it on a meager payroll in comparison to some other teams in the MLB. Good coaching, good ball playing, dedicated and focused, they DID IT. Way to go, guys. Congrats! (LOL Like anyone that has ANTHING to do with the Rays will ever read this. HAHAHAA.)

The meatloaf. Good LORD. I am hungries.

Obamamamaa was here today. I wanted to go. I did not. I am bummed about that.

I never talk politics here, but I have a post brewing. *brews*

My Maya is so cute that I can barely stand it. I randomly grab her and smoosh on her and shower her with kisses. She squeals and squeaks and laughs these big belly laughs. She grabs my face and kisses me. *sigh*

And to think that I never really wanted kids. I could totally do without the whole poopy butt thing. Other than that, she is so awesome and I am so blessed to be her Momma.

:O)

That is all for now I guess. I need to go check the meatloaf. LOL

BEST LOLCAT EVER.

OMG. I nearly peed. How awesome is this? HAHAHAA!

Extra Strength

I just saw this over at Kat's, and it is SO worth a re-post.



That, in case you do not know, is a pressure washer.
And I am sure it would work just fine for what it SAYS it is. Although it may kill you, your cooch would clean as a whistle!

My beautiful girl

Is this not the cutest thing EVER?
Ok, so I am biased, but still. CUTE.

What the HELL

I had just taken a sleeping pill. I remembered that my Mom hit the casino tonight with a friend of hers and the friends daughter. I have known these people ALL my life...
So I text Mom with "Didja win?" Before she could text me back I was asleep.

Every night before I go to bed, I put T's phone on silent because he forgets. Tonight, I didn't. I woke up to his phone ringing loudly from the living room. I grabbed my cell and headed out to put his on silent. Then I looked and saw that it was my Mom calling. And I looked at my phone and she had called me as well. All my guts sank. I knew something was wrong. I called her back right away...

They were in an accident. Some jackhole ran a red light, hit them, rolled the car, and then HE KEPT ON GOING. The fucker TOOK OFF. To say I am furiously pissed off is an understatement, and if they find this asshole, GOD HELP HIM.

Every one is ok. Mom has some scratches on her arm and is shaken up, but seems ok. She is staying here with me tonight. She didnt want to go to the ER to get checked out. Stubborn woman.

Gloria's PT Cruiser, a gift from her now deceased husband, is a complete and total loss. But every one is safe and I guess that is all that really matters at this point.

I'm still so mad I could spit tacks. Hope I can sleep. ARGH.

Taking a break

*sigh*
I have some pretty heavy personal shit happening. I need to focus on life and that entails spending a LOT less time on the computer.

I will be back eventually. Take Care and play nice. :O)

Chicken soup N Coffee cake!

I am so sick. I have a whopper of a head cold. My sinuses hurt. My nose runs so much that I just wander around with tissue stuck up my nose. I do that all the time when I am sick. I just call 'em nose tampons. LOL

Maya thinks it is funny, so it's all good. :O) I have sneezed well over 50 times today, swear ta God. It is unreal.

My jaw hinges hurt, it is an awful ache. I hope I am not going to get a damned ear infection or something. My throat hurts pretty bad. It started off scratchy and quickly moved on to sore. I feel like I have been punched in the neck. blah.

Have I ever mentioned how awesome my family is? My Mom came here today with hot, home made chicken soup. Seriously? How cool is that?? It was SO good. She also brought me medicine and cough drops. The soup smelled so good (I could actually breathe at the time, so I could smell and taste!) that I chowed down with no regard to how HOT it was. Now my tongue is all burnt. Fun. Thank You Mom, that was wonderfull awesome of you.

THEN? My niece Emilee and I were chatting the other night and I mentioned how I had been craving Drakes Coffee Cakes. I have not been able to find them here. So today she went grocery shopping and she bought me TWO boxes of them! AWESOME! Weee! I cannot wait to get them!

I am hoping that tomorrow I can get some photos scanned for you all. They are worth the wait I promise. Actually, I need to check with Stace first as to whether I can post or not. And with Tina and Nana (some family friends) who I think check in here..as I am mailing them printed copies. If they don't mind seeing before getting, then I shall post. :)

I am going to go. My effing jaws HURT. UGH. WTF is that about?? I think I need more chicken soup...and Nyquil. And my sleeping pill. Hopefully I will actually SLEEP tonight!

Doom

T just realized that he only has ONE migraine pill left. Insurance only pays for 6 pills a month (he is prescribed 2 a day...) and we go through an mail-in pharmacy where we get 3 months at a time. He thought that he had another box. I just refilled my prescription for my meds, and that is going to take at least a week to get here. UGH.

He is going to call the Doc tomorrow to see if they can call in a refill at W@lgreens tomorrow (that is if they do not have any free samples), and we will have to pay out of pocket for it. Which is over $200. Yay.

This REALLY blows. And according to every doctor he has seen, and all the research we have done, there is nothing we can do about it.

Poor man, he is in absolute agony right now.
(sorry, crappy cell phone pic)

Ants

Pictures, I know I know.
I cannot get into my office at the moment. I mean, I CAN, but, well. Life. You know?
We are having a major ant problem, and I cannot afford the money for the exterminator guy. Sucks. So I just keep vacuuming them up. Fun. NOT.

Todds migraines are really a pain in the ass as well. Talk about a total and complete disruption of life. And the people he works with don't get it. They are all "Whats the deal, they are just headaches." I wish a migraine on each of those people. Seriously.

Pfft. Anyway, as I type this, I have a toddler who demands attention, plus? More ants to suck up.

Wonder if the zoo would lend me an anteater?

Look! A post!!

Jeesh. I all but forgot about this place. *shrugs*
It has been nutty around here. T is working long hours trying to get a report done. Looks like he will be working the next few weekends as well. He is back in his pattern of daily migraines again. Every year, like clockwork they show up at this time, and stay through Christmas. Fun times ahead.

I have some photos that I want to post, but for now I just wanted to knock the dust off around here. I am gonna go play with my kid!

Survivor Gabon

It is no secret that I am an admitted Survivor junkie. I know some of you loathe the show. But T and I have been watching it since the very first season. While it is some of the same thing season after season, it is always different as well. The human dynamic is always changing. The challenges are a huge part of it for me as well. I am always excited to see where it is that they will be each season too. Gabon is simply amazing. Africa at its finest. I cannot imagine camping amongst elephants!

One thing I noticed about this seasons contestants, were that most of them seem completely full of themselves. This one gal, Michelle, was all bitchy because she wasn't on the team with the 'beautiful people'. Seriously?? Is THAT what this show is about??

What a shallow *bleep*!

I want to use the 'C' word here, but I shall refrain. I instantly did not like that girl. Ugh. And? Wear some damned clothes woman. I don't need to see your skeleton!!! I hope someone handed her a huge sammich as she walked off the set.

Anyway, as with previous seasons, it takes me awhile to warm up to any of the contestants. The thing that bothers me most is that these people are familiar with the game, yet... they have learned nothing. WHY would you go on Survivor wearing a DRESS?? I would have on Under Armour gear, a long sleeved shirt and either sweat pants or track pants or something, and the most expensive, comfy sneakers I could get my hands on. That way, at night and in the sun, I could cover up, and when needed I could strip down to the UA gear and be comfy and free to move around. Not that my fat ass has ANY business in UA gear, but I'm just sayin'. These yahoos are walking around in their underwear, for Pete's sake. *shakes head*

These girls wear next to nothing and then complain about how damp and cold it is at night! DUH! Have you never camped? How's about a little effing research into where in the hell it is you are going, you useless boob?!! ARGH.

Another thing? That girl that I didn't like? She got the boot. HAH! First one voted off! She was clueless as to how the game is played, IMO.

I will say this about her though, she talked about how stupid her tribe mates were, and she was right on. They booted her first instead of the the 61 year old woman who SHOULD have gone first.

Every year, we find ourselves yelling at the tv over who gets voted out and who doesn't. The choices always seem so obvious to us! Not so much to the contestants.

There is lots of drama to be had, and we just eat it all up, season after season.
I actually miss hearing Jeff say "C'mon in guys!" and "I'll go tally the votes" in between seasons. And the dimples? What can I say about the dimples?? :OP

Yes. I am clearly a dork. But you all should have known that by now...

woot!

I have my windows open! *does snoopy dance*
News channel says it is 67 degrees out right now. Glorious!

:O)

YAY for babies!

Chas had her babies! Chas had her babies!! YAY!!
Ugh. I cannot wait for the details. LOL
Twins. Now she has THREE girls. Lord help J in about 12 years. *giggles*

Congrats to the new FAMILY OF FIVE!! Woo!
She made it to 35 weeks! Amazing! Ahh, I am SO excited for her, for them. weee!

Mother of the Year?

I put Maya to bed each night between 7:30 and 9 p.m. It all just depends on what we have done that day or what have you, as to how tired she is by what time.

Tonight, she started getting really cranky around 8, so we read to her and stuffs and by 8:30 she was in bed. By 9 she was quiet, so we went outside and vac'd the pool, and did some cleaning up out back that was needed. It is now a bit after 12, and we are getting to bed, and she is WIDE awake. T said he had heard her a few times while he was in and out over the course of the night, but since she wasn't crying or calling out for us, he just let her be.

I feel AWFUL. My kid has been in there for hours, awake. Should I have gotten her up?
I feel as though I should have. Then again, I thought she was asleep. Ugh. I just feel awful. She is not upset in any way. When I went in there just a minute ago, she was laying down, playing with a teddy bear, but STILL. I feel as though I neglected her.

UGH.

Fall

I am SO jealous of all you northern people and your open windows and cool breezes. LOL
I was going to post a gripe about it (not a REAL gripe, take it easy!) but in a few months when you are all buried under snow and cursing Mother Nature, I will be the one with the cool breezes and the open windows. So THERE.
:OP

LOL

Unwanted mailbox guests

Roaches. In the mailbox. Big ones. (the roach, not the box)
This is why we all go through the ritual that we do.

It has happened more than a few times over the years, but recently? It seems like every time I go get the mail, I am in a battle of wills with one of these nasty things. UGH.

A month or two ago, our neighbor had new sod put in. They dug up the old lawn and treated the ground first for weeds and what have you. This obviously disturbed undesirable creatures because next thing I knew, my mailbox was overtaken with very large ants. The mailbox looked as if it had come alive. And? Two very large roaches had taken up residence inside. This does not sit well with me, nor did it bode well for the roaches.

I marched my happy ass into my garage and came out with a very large can of RAID. I then soaked my mailbox with it, inside and out. I looked up, and my neighbor D was looking at me like I was insane.

"Hiiii. What yah doin'?" she asked.
I pointed to my mailbox and simply said "Roaches."
"Ooh" came her reply.

Just then, one RAID soaked roach attempted to fly out of the box, unsuccessfully, and landed at my feet. I backed up, and the other one came staggering out and fell to the ground as well.

"WHOAH! Those things are HUGE!" said my neighbor, all wide-eyed.

RAID dripping from my mailbox, ants falling off in mad fashion and two very angry, near dead roaches made for a very satisfied me. I then headed back to the garage, stopping to talk with D for a minute or two.

If only I had had a holster for my smoking can of RAID.....

Mail Call

I have noticed something around here lately, that I find quite amusing. Over the last few days I have been observing my neighbors while they go to get their mail. And every single one of them does the same thing.

Each person opens the box with extreme trepidation, reaching out slowly, and opening the box in an even slower fashion. Then, they lean back and peer in, inching ever closer to the box with squinted eyes, trained to spot the slightest of movements.

They reach for the mail, taking it out slowly, then whisking it away from their bodies and violently shaking it.

And here I thought that I was the only one.

Any guesses as to why we must perform this ritual??

Hot for Teaching

I had wanted to get Maya into the Montessori Academy down the road from our home by the time she was 3. As it looks now, that will not be happening. So, I got the bright idea to google stuff, and I just ordered a book on Montessori methods (written by its creator, Maria Montessori) as well as two other books... one of them being on teaching a 2 year old.

I have lost my damned mind.

LOL

Wish me luck!

It's a bad hair day in these parts.

Accuweather.com has a 'Frizz Index' on the site, along with the UV index. I find this incredibly amusing. I so needed that back when I was in High School. LOL
Today, I shall be wearing a hat. :o)

Taking the Pea to the spray park in a bit. Weee.
Momma is gonna play this time as well. I am hoping there aren't a thousand kids there today, with school being back in and all.

Must remember to bring camera too.

We took M to the Florida Aquarium the other day. We had free passes! It was fun. She spazzed out a bit at first because she wanted to run free and we wouldn't let her.
I forgot my camera. I was SO mad. She LOVED watching the really big fish.

Also? This kid has an obsession with leaves and trees. So we took her out yesterday evening for a walk, gave her her beach pail and had her collect leaves, acorns and sticks. Today we will do her first REAL art project with them.

Seeing her putting things in her little bucket like that was so cute. Made me pine for Easter. LOL

POTD

I had the tv on as I was folding laundry earlier today. I wasn't even really paying attention to it. A commercial came on for some show, and they gave a date for the start of the new season, September 23rd.

My heart got heavy. September 23rd of 2003, I had to have my cat of 15 years, Blaze, put to sleep. She was so sick. It was the right, and humane decision, but it damned near killed me to do it. I think of her a lot. I miss her very much.





I cannot believe that it is coming up on FIVE years. *sigh*

POTD

Munchkin!

Crap!

We aaaalmost got Maya to poop on the potty today. Almost.
*sigh*

POTD

Earth and Sky

Seven Years.

Chris asked the question this morning "What is your 9-11 story?"

I was at work. I was logged into AIM and was chatting with my friend D, from New Jersey. She said to me "OMG. A plane just hit one of the World Trade Towers!" And I responded with "Pilot must be sick, or crazy!"

I was thinking along the lines of a small commuter/Cessna type aircraft. Maybe the pilot had a heart attack? Or a stroke? Then she said to me "No Jen. A PLANE. An airliner!"

I totally did not believe her. D was a prankster, but not in this fashion. Yet I couldn't really grasp what she was telling me. She told me to go put on CNN. So, I walked out into the other room and flipped on the tv.

I will never forget that moment. That one single moment when my eyes saw the tower, and the smoke, and debris flying around in the air. I did not know anyone in those towers. But anyone with an ounce of empathy felt awful that day. I remember not being able to breathe for a moment or two. Bossman said to me from his office "Jen? What's up?" Cause, you know, I don't usually sit around and watch tv while I am supposed to be working. Heh, I shouldn't have been chatting on AIM either, but I was.

Anyway, I said "You need to come here...." And he replied that he was very busy. So I said "No, Ed, you NEED to come here. One of the trade towers was just hit by an airplane..."

Silence from his office, and then he said "What? A cessna?" I replied "Eedddd. Just come."

He walked out from his office, and when his eyes fell upon the tv, he froze, all color draining from his face. "I used to work in that tower..." he said, as he plunked down next to me on the couch. So we watched. And we listened. And then we saw it.

"Is that another plane??" I asked in total and utter disbelief. Before Ed could say anything, it crashed into the second tower. I remember Ed stood up, ran his fingers through his thinning hair and started walking around in circles saying "Oh my GOD!" over and over again.

At this point I was physically shaking. A few minutes later they had footage from a different angle, and you could clearly see and hear the plane enter the building. I will NEVER forget that sound, EVER.

Then, Ed says "I just saw someone jump..." We sat and watched the footage being played over and over, and sure enough, you could see people falling away from the building. It was at this point that I had to leave the room. I felt like I was going to be sick. Trying to imagine the horror in that building, the horror that would make someone jump from 80+ floors up? Unimaginable.

I came back and sat down next to Ed. We sat there in silence until the towers fell. I remember hearing Ed whisper "Oooh. Oh Noooo.." as they came crashing down. I couldn't say anything. I was thinking of the people inside, and again, felt sick.

We sat there for a very long time, in silence. Ed then told me to go on home.

When I got back on AIM, D was gone. She had emailed me before she logged off though. Her boyfriend worked in one of those towers. I found out a day or so later that he was late to work, encountered a traffic jam due to an accident and went home instead of going into the office that day. I had another friend who watched everything unfold from his living room window.

And let's not forget the people on those other planes, either. Those people on Flight 93 gave their lives, and should NEVER be forgotten.

I remember laying in bed one night with T after watching more news footage, just sobbing. It was a very sad, and very scary time. I couldn't lose those images of the people jumping. Or of the towers falling, or of the plane hitting, or of all the people trying to get away as the towers fell. And you know what? Seven years later I STILL cannot lose those images. Nor can I fathom what would make someone do what was done that day.

Chris talked about one day telling his children of this day, because in telling, it will never be forgotten. We too, will tell Maya when she is old enough. Because we shouldn't ever forget. I know that I won't. I can't.

POTD

or, Photo of the Day.

Exit stage left

So the old blog is gone. *sniff*
I seem to have offended some Blogger users, with my attitude regarding being here. I apologize. I just have had my own domain and my own space for a VERY long time. Coming back to blogger just felt like a step backwards. I know in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter.

I need to spruce up this place, make it my own. But I have a freelance web job I am getting ready to start, plus a friend of mine wants me to do a site for her (we need to talk Bek!) and so this will just have to wait.

Thanks for following along over here. I am really going to try to post each day. I would really like to try to post a photo each day too. But, hahaa. Somedays I forget I even have a computer. So we shall see.

:O)

Thanks.

I have been meaning to post, but I just haven't had the time! Thank you for all of your advice on the previous post. It was a false alarm. That night, I ended up, ah... in the bathroom, many many times throughout the night. Seems it was something I ate.

I have been fine ever since. Munch has left me alone totally and I sniffed big on the Captain just to be sure the next day and all it did was make me wanna pour myself a drinky. LOL

So, I am fine. We are not trying, obviously, as I am still on the pill. We just have not made any decisions as to what we are doing. Yes, we want another. But there are a lot of other circumstances to consider at the moment.

Sooo anyway. That is that.

I have been feeling very out of sorts lately. Restless, unsettled. My house, it is getting to me. There are things I want to do and cannot, due to lack of funding. Argh.

So, my only choice is to focus on what I CAN do, and that is to declutter. I unloaded a ton of Maya's old toys and stuff to a freecycler, who will be here at 8 tomorrow morning for pick up. I listed a desk on craigslist, but no bites yet.

I am not 'giving' this desk away. When people see it, they are like "Oh wow. That is cool/interesting/awesome/never seen anything like that before.." etc. It is a one of a kind. It is solid wood, and heavy as all get out. It definitely has some dings and scratches as it is about 30 years old I guess. So I want to get some $$ for it.

I HATE to part with it. I have had it since I was 11, and before that it belonged to my Aunt and Uncle. I just do not have the room for it in this house. Maybe I will just get another storage unit, and keep it until we get a bigger house. Which could be like, an eon from now. :O(

See, now that has me thinking. I should keep it, because if we decide to have another baby, my office has to go. And my big desk would have to go into storage, along with a few other pieces of furniture we have, and then that old desk could go in a corner of the living room so I could still work and not be sitting at the kitchen table.

Hmmmm. *tents fingers* ...
Must rethink this! Thanks internets! LOL

HAHAHAA!

I am on the pill. Last week, we, you know, before T left for South Florida for the week. And for the first time in FOREVER, I forgot to take my pill that night. I took it the next morning when I got up. I did not think anything about it because it was the first week in my pack, and I have missed pills in that week before with no problems.

Today, out of the blue, I have been experiencing huge waves of nausea. I have eaten very bland today because I just didn't feel 'right'. Now, this one thing did not make me think that I could be pregnant. It was Munch, my cat.

When I was pregnant for Maya, Munch did.not.leave.me.alone. Through my entire pregnancy, that freaking cat had to be ON me. If I got up, she followed. I couldn't even go potty without her being RIGHT THERE. And this morning, I was asleep on the futon in the playroom (heh....hubby was a windbag last night. I got stunk out of our room!)and she woke me up pawing at the door to come in. I have never seen her do this. So I got up and let her in. I had a slight headache, so I crawled back under my blanket, and she made herself comfy. ON me. And that is how it has been ALL day. Even when we were outside today, she stayed close by.

The other thing that made me realize I was pregnant with Maya, was The Captain. T had made me a drink, and I could NOT drink it. The smell was making me want to hurl.
So tonight, while watching football, he makes me a drink. OMG. All he did was sit it down on the table next to me and my stomach went AWOL. Ugh.

So for the hell of it, I go to an ovulation counter (which I should not be ovulating on the pill, right?) and put in the first day of my last period. This is what it said..

Ovulation Calculator

Based on your answers, you're likely to be most fertile from August 31, 2008 to September 5, 2008. If you were to get pregnant during that time, your due date would be May 27, 2009.

We nookied on August 31st, and September 1st.

Now I don't know what to do. Am I crazy? Wishful thinking? Do I continue to take my pills? I am at the end of week two. What in the hell do I do here??

*screams*

Home ownership

In my previous post, I mentioned that my views on owning a home have changed drastically since becoming a home owner. When we bought this place, we knew things would creep up. It is an older home. The reason for buying an older home was because we liked the 'hood. It is established and there is not the threat of a Wal-Mart ending up in our backyard.

So, I worried about the old AC going south on us in the dead of summer and the cost of replacing it. Then it happened. Next, I worried about needing new windows, because the ones we had were chintzy and cheap. We got new windows and then I worried about the... You see a pattern here? Currently, I am worried about our 18 year old roof, and all of these G-d damned hurricanes and what have you that are lining up out in the Atlantic.


We had our roof looked at recently by a roofer. He said for as old as it is, it is in good shape. Right, good shape until a Hurricane rips it off of the house. I guess that happens with new roofing as well, but still. LOL. A newer one would give me a wee bit more peace of mind. I think.


Also, our backyard paradise is no more. The pool tiles started falling off, so we picked the rest of them off, one by one. Now, it looks like crap. The weeds have overtaken everything, and it is just too hot to deal with it right now. Hopefully once it cools off, we will have SOME $$ to do something about it. Nothing expensive, we just need some river rock and some mulch. And about a ton of weedkiller.
meh.


It just seems like we are always worried about something. When we rented, we didn't worry about a darned thing. We had an awesome landlord, and when something needed to be handled, she was on it. I realize that this is not always the case. There are just as many crappy landlords out there, as there are crappy tenants.


Still, I am too old to worry about all of this shit. Not to mention the near heart attack I have every time I see the numbers on the statement, and that with all that we pay out each month, only $150 of that actually goes to the principal. Pfft. *waves hand*


As I also noted in my previous post, we pay through the ass for this place. I would much rather pay less, for more house, and let someone else worry about all the crap that comes with actually owning the joint.

Broke as a JOKE, yo

My broke ass cannot afford the $$ for the hosting of my old blog, so here I yam, on blogger. Kind of humiliating, you know? But whatever. We have been in a financial mess ever since the hubby's melt/breakdown almost 2 years ago. If I had just one more week, I'd have been able to pay for it! Piss me off.


When we first got together, we lived paycheck to paycheck. Then we got serious, paid off all of our (read: MY) credit cards, stopped spending foolishly, and even had money in savings. Then we bought a house. And an older one at that. Hello debt, my old friend. We did lots to the house to update it, got rid of a nasty mold problem that was making us both sick, and thus ended up being house poor. We pay WAY TOO MUCH for this place. And as each mortgage payment goes in the mail, I get more and more irritated with that fact. If we were to try and sell, we would NEVER get what we owe.


And that brings me to my views on home ownership. My views on this have changed COMPLETELY. I do not care to ever own another house, EVER. Unless we build LARGE and with some of the goodies we want (like a media room and a game room, and an outdoor kitchen...). I would be happy to rent. However, if WE have to sign a lease, then so does the homeowner. That is only fair, right? I know of too many people who have been tossed on their asses because the owner decided to sell. I would be ok with this, but would want more than 30 days to find another place to live. And I would want it in writing.


I found an ad in a local flyer the other day for a 5 bedroom, 3 bath, 3 car garage, pool home for $1250 a month. That included lawn and pool service. Hello! Where do I sign up??
Pfffft.

Ok, enough bitching. Welcome to the new blog.