cursing

The person/persons that created Sudoku. OMG. I can't stop!! Aaak. So, y'all are gonna kill me....
But I have my domain hosted again. I know I know. LOL. I am hoping to get it all together this week, and then ill start posting over there. I will let you know. I also have an asston of photos to post. Just don't be holding your breath waiting! LOL

argh

Every asshole on Earth that has a loud car, truck, or motorcycle drove passed my house today
while I was trying to nap.
To say that I am disgruntled is a huge understatement.

Jerks.

ow.

My kid and her obsession with trees, sticks and acorns is going to do me in, people!
I am laying here in bed, trying to figure out what I did to my hip. It was hurting like hell. I rolled over to rub it and there it was/...an acorn. In my bed. Under the covers. *sigh*

Why?

Why do people ACT like they care? I mean, seriously.. what is the point??
Either you do, or you don't. And if you don't, that is fine, just quit pretending like you give a shit because it is HIGHLY annoying.

And no. This is not directed at anyone in particular. I'm just sayin'.

And?

Nutcrackers are right up there with clowns on the old creep-o-meter. At least for me anyway.

*shudders*

one more thing

I am completely jealous of people who can knit socks. I LOVE KNITTED SOCKS.

That is all...

empty heart.

I have been a die hard John Mellencamp fan for many years. His music has always spoken to me. I find bits and pieces of myself in his words.

For the first time in a loong time, I listened to him today. I turned on the stereo in the living room, and the Lonesome Jubilee CD was in there. This has long been one of my favorites. Every song on this speaks to me. It is an amazing piece of work.

What REALLY amazes me is how 10 years ago, this album spoke to me. And here I am all these years later, in a different place, and shaking my head saying "Ain't THAT the truth." I can STILL find myself in these songs.

Today, I had to stop what I was doing, and allow myself to have a good cry.
It was because of a song called Empty Hands. Now, do not get me wrong. We are having money issues. But I know that we are STILL far more fortunate that a LOT of people. It was not the 'being broke' aspect of this song that got to me though. It was about looking back, and thinking of all of those dreams and expectations I had when T and I first got together. It was about seeing all of that go down the drain. It was about the absolute despair that I feel. It was about feeling like I am failing my child for staying in a crappy situation.

The lyric that did me in?

'Maryanne, she´s fixin´ up some breakfast
Got the lights on, on the christmas tree
Sittin´ there, lookin´ up at an angel
With something dyin´ inside of me

Grew up with great expectations
Heard the promise and I knew the plan
They say people get what they deserve
But lord, sometimes it´s much worse than '

I was making breakfast and cleaning the kitchen. The lights on the tree are on.
And something inside of me is indeed dying.
And yes, sometimes? It IS much worse than that.
*sigh*

Towards the end of the song, another partial verse did me in, the flood gates opened, I had to stop the heat under my eggs and run for the kleenex. Man, I had a GOOD hard cry. Not that it did any good, really. It DID help me feel a wee bit less like I have an anvil sitting on my heart though, so I guess that is something.

'Without hope, without love
You´ve got nothing but pain
Just makes a man not give a damn
That´s no way for us to live'

Yeah. Got lots of crappy things going on. So did not need this, ever. But it is out of my hands. For the first time in my life, I have turned it over to God. I have done all that I can do.

Merry Christmas. Not sure how much I will be around, as I have to get school done, so I can get a job, so I can get me and Maya a place to live.

Yeah. You read that right.

2009 HAS to be a better year, because I cannot do this any.more.

meh

So I never heard back from that woman. What a bummer. I did find out that she is the mom of my cousins ex-girlfriend. I have actually met her daughter. Crazy. I still swear it is her. I would bet my undies on it. LOL

My cousin Kristin is going to ask Brittany, her daughter, for me. Maybe she doesn't remember me. Maybe it really ISN'T her. I don't know. If it IS her, and she does not remember, that would make me really sad. I guess I do not leave much of an impression on people. *sigh* However, if it IS her? I am just glad to see her alive and well, because I have wondered about her muchly since 1982!

Soooo, that is that.

On to other things. We are so broke. B R O K E. As in ramen-noodles-for-lunch-every-day broke. Sad. My Mom bought us our tree. Thank you Mom. She also funded Christmas for us this year. I bought T a few things yesterday. And I have a few things for Maya. Today I am getting something for my Mom, even though she said not to. And then T will have a few bucks to shop for Maya.

We had to send the bankruptcy court 300 bucks this paycheck and that hurt. ugh.

Annnnyway. I am currently doing up my Christmas cards. If you would like to swap cards with me, drop me an email... jenDOThendersonATgmailDOTcom. I love getting cards. weee

Stace, yours was the first one I got! I always open your cards so carefully. LOL
:O)