Teh_funneh

We watched Kitchen Nightmares tonight. We both love Chef Ramsay and just about any show he does. Tonight's episode was for a place in Miami. The name of the restaurant was Fleming. T remembered the place almost immediately. It is literally about 4 minutes away from the house he grew up in as a kid.

So we decided that if we make it through this mess (which is highly unlikely at this point, but whatever) that we would go there. The new menu that Chef Ramsay implemented sounded divine!

I just went and googled them, to take a gander at the menu. I don't think we could afford to eat there!! LMAO! They charge $24 for beef stroganoff! When I mentioned that to T, he says "How long does it take to stroke off the cow???" *eyeroll*

I replied with "They bring the cow into the dining room and make you do it yourself, or else they would charge $48!!"

THEN he says "I wonder if that $24 is for a 6 inch or a 12 inch stroganoff..."

I nearly peed. I laughed SO hard.. I think it took T by surprise..because is eyes popped out of his head cartoon-style. It was hilarious. He gave off his usual spontaneous, gruff laugh that he does when he finds something truly funny...

And that is when I got very sad.

I hear people all around me talking about how people these days don't take marriage seriously, that they give up when the going gets tough, that no one takes that 'in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer' thing seriously.

And here I am, trying with all of my might to do just that, and people condemn me for it.

I KNOW I am fighting a losing battle here. I just do not know how to shut the door and move on, no matter how much people tell me that is what I need to do.

I LOVE THIS MAN. He has issues. He is an addict. He is STILL A PERSON with feelings and thoughts and desires. He is not just an asshole, as most people view him. His addiction over takes him. I am not sure how to handle this.

People say that I am just making excuses for him, that he is just a loser. I do not see it that way, but whatever.

I know that in due time, I will have to say goodbye. Plans are set and already in motion for that to be.

And that KILLS a huge part of me.

I know that I cannot have this around, for M's sake, never mind my own.
I just wish that there was something that could be done. Unfortunately, with his back issues and his pain issues, he NEEDS to have pain relief. Being an addict, he is not able to NOT abuse them. So, I do not know what the answer is there..

Anyway. I love him. I really do. And he has not just come here, and been a schlep. He does a LOT around here. M adores the hell out of him.

I really screwed up by even letting him back into our lives and I feel like a colossal failure for doing so.