meh

So I never heard back from that woman. What a bummer. I did find out that she is the mom of my cousins ex-girlfriend. I have actually met her daughter. Crazy. I still swear it is her. I would bet my undies on it. LOL

My cousin Kristin is going to ask Brittany, her daughter, for me. Maybe she doesn't remember me. Maybe it really ISN'T her. I don't know. If it IS her, and she does not remember, that would make me really sad. I guess I do not leave much of an impression on people. *sigh* However, if it IS her? I am just glad to see her alive and well, because I have wondered about her muchly since 1982!

Soooo, that is that.

On to other things. We are so broke. B R O K E. As in ramen-noodles-for-lunch-every-day broke. Sad. My Mom bought us our tree. Thank you Mom. She also funded Christmas for us this year. I bought T a few things yesterday. And I have a few things for Maya. Today I am getting something for my Mom, even though she said not to. And then T will have a few bucks to shop for Maya.

We had to send the bankruptcy court 300 bucks this paycheck and that hurt. ugh.

Annnnyway. I am currently doing up my Christmas cards. If you would like to swap cards with me, drop me an email... jenDOThendersonATgmailDOTcom. I love getting cards. weee

Stace, yours was the first one I got! I always open your cards so carefully. LOL
:O)

Perspective

I was on Flickr just now. Found a group for photos taken in the 80s. What a hoot. So I came across some photos from this one woman, and I clicked over to her stream. She mentioned that she was the mom of 5 children. Two of whom died. One girl was stillborn and a boy who died and was delivered at 17 weeks. She took photos, and posted them on her site, with a warning due to the graphic nature.

I couldn't click through. I just. couldn't. do. it.

I am sitting here now, a sobbing, snotty mess.

I love Maya with every fiber of my being. And that is a LOT of fibers. I just simply can NOT imagine. And here I sit and bitch about her sleep issues as of late. Pffft.

I am one lucky woman. And I am going to start living my life as a mother in that regard. No more bitching about sleep, or lack of sleep, or whether or not she has taken all of her clothes out of her drawers.

She is here. Alive. Healthy and wonderful. And I just want to enjoy it, enjoy her and my time with her.

I need to go sob some more. Night...

Procrastinate much?

I am not sure what my problem is as of late. But I did just about nothing yesterday. How sad. My house is a wreck and I simply just did.not.care.

I cannot be like that today. I have too much that needs to be done. I made a list. And I must get things done.

List?
Finish the laundry
dust
vac and wash floors
clean off my dining table
make two thank you cards
get the bills figured out for the month
make grocery list
remove clutter from living room

I NEED to get all of that done today dammit.

I have been getting up around 4:50ish each morning. My eyes just pop open and I am wide awake, regardless of what time I fall asleep. Instead of letting it get me down as I have in the past, I am embracing it. This is going to be my 'me' time. I made some tea, read the news, read some blogs and have just enjoyed the peace and quiet.

I am about to go get a load of laundry started, fold one basket that needs folding, and then I am gonna bake some banana muffins for breakfast and pack T's lunch.

Then? CLEAN. Seriously this time. LOL

Oh, and I need to find my camera charger so I can show off mah hair.

Short. And sweet.

I had an awesome day with my Mom and Maya. I was in desperate need of a haircut, and so was Maya. However, we are effing BROKE. So my Mom treated us. I went drastic. Like, REALLY. SHORT. Hilighted to the max. (did I just say that?) Short. Oh and it is SHORT.

LOL

Pics to follow. Maya got hers cut short too. It was just so crazy and damaged from the pool. She looks cute as can be. Her vocabulary is EXPLODING. I love it when she actually answers me when I talk to her. She was real big on just repeating whatever it is that you say to her. Now, she actually answers you and I die each time she does it.
*sigh*

My Mom took us to lunch too. I couldn't eat it all so I got a box for it. And I left it in my Moms fridge. ARGH. I love spending time with my Mom. I love to watch her with Maya. They have such an amazing connection. :O)

Annnnyway, I am freaking BEAT. Going night nights. I wanna take Maya to the playground tomorrow.

Will show off the new Do tomorrow! And hopefully get some pics of M while she is monkeying around!

Fiscally responsible or not...

Hah.
No, seriously. We have had some major money issues as of late. I know I have talked about it before. Todd being out of work back when Maya was a baby has really put us in a bind. It is just NOW catching up to us. We cashed out a few IRAs to keep afloat, we borrowed money, we had our tax return and stimulus check, and now, we are out of options. This house payment is killing us. The trucks are killing us. However, we are stuck. The only way out of this mortgage is to walk away. Which is SO NOT happening. People say to me ALL THE TIME, "Why don't you sell a truck?" Uh, because we are so upside down on them that we would NEVER get what we owe. Even voluntarily repo'ing it is useless as we would still be responsible for the loan.

Stuck. We have cut back in every way that we can. We don't go out and do anything that costs money. Occasionally we buy a bottle o' Captain, but only once the bills are paid. That is it. We do nothing else.

One thing that we LOVE to do, and almost feel is a necessity to do once in awhile, is to camp. I cannot explain what camping does for us. If you don't enjoy camping, you would not understand. But both T and I feel at peace when out and about with Mother Nature. And camping is rejuvenating for us. We used to go a lot. We have been once in the last 3 years.

I just booked 2 nights at a local campground for mid-November. We are both itching to camp. It cost us $40 bucks. We take whatever food we have on hand at the time, so there is not really an extra cost there. And we have camping equipment like you wouldn't believe. I have had that stuff for years, as I have always been a camper.

My parents used to take me camping all the time as a kid. I have such great memories from that. And I think that is a lot of the reason why I still love to do so to this day.

I love sitting outside amongst the stars, with drink in hand, and fire roaring. I like being around people who love to camp, even if we have no interaction. I love staying up, long past the time when most of the other campers have retired for the night, just enjoying the silence and the stars. It is renewing for my soul, and for T's as well.

So we decided that we are tired of NOT LIVING. It is the one thing that we REALLY love and enjoy and so I am not going to feel guilty about taking some time FOR US. Because to be honest, and without getting into too much detail? There quite recently was almost no more US. Things had gotten THAT bad. To the point where we were both ready to call it a day. We were saying and doing things that were extremely destructive to our relationship. (and for those that know, no, it didn't go THERE.)
But things got good and ugly. However, I do love him. And he loves me. So we have decided to give this relationship what it deserves and that is time, patience, respect and love. And some camping. :O)

My Mom will come and stay with Maya, and then drop her off with the in-laws until we get back. The next time that we go camping, Maya will come with us. We are first going to set up the tent in the yard and do a trial run with her before we attempt to actually take her. She is a trooper and seems to just go with the flow. But in this instance, we want to be sure. And we want just one more time where it is just the two of us.

I feel better already just having the reservation. I cannot wait.

P.S. My skull still effing HURTS man.
*giggles*

What the HELL

I had just taken a sleeping pill. I remembered that my Mom hit the casino tonight with a friend of hers and the friends daughter. I have known these people ALL my life...
So I text Mom with "Didja win?" Before she could text me back I was asleep.

Every night before I go to bed, I put T's phone on silent because he forgets. Tonight, I didn't. I woke up to his phone ringing loudly from the living room. I grabbed my cell and headed out to put his on silent. Then I looked and saw that it was my Mom calling. And I looked at my phone and she had called me as well. All my guts sank. I knew something was wrong. I called her back right away...

They were in an accident. Some jackhole ran a red light, hit them, rolled the car, and then HE KEPT ON GOING. The fucker TOOK OFF. To say I am furiously pissed off is an understatement, and if they find this asshole, GOD HELP HIM.

Every one is ok. Mom has some scratches on her arm and is shaken up, but seems ok. She is staying here with me tonight. She didnt want to go to the ER to get checked out. Stubborn woman.

Gloria's PT Cruiser, a gift from her now deceased husband, is a complete and total loss. But every one is safe and I guess that is all that really matters at this point.

I'm still so mad I could spit tacks. Hope I can sleep. ARGH.

Taking a break

*sigh*
I have some pretty heavy personal shit happening. I need to focus on life and that entails spending a LOT less time on the computer.

I will be back eventually. Take Care and play nice. :O)

Ants

Pictures, I know I know.
I cannot get into my office at the moment. I mean, I CAN, but, well. Life. You know?
We are having a major ant problem, and I cannot afford the money for the exterminator guy. Sucks. So I just keep vacuuming them up. Fun. NOT.

Todds migraines are really a pain in the ass as well. Talk about a total and complete disruption of life. And the people he works with don't get it. They are all "Whats the deal, they are just headaches." I wish a migraine on each of those people. Seriously.

Pfft. Anyway, as I type this, I have a toddler who demands attention, plus? More ants to suck up.

Wonder if the zoo would lend me an anteater?