An update!

I came here in search of an old post about my kidlet. I found it. But I also got roped into reading my archives. Wow. Hard to believe that that was my life. Dreadful. A nightmare, for sure. I figured I would give an update, not that anyone reads here any more... but just in case. ;) I am proud to say that I stuck by my husband. I stayed true to our vows. For better or worse, in sickness and in health.. I stayed true to HIM.. because I loved him and I believed in him (although that wavered greatly, as you can see from reading past posts). Just about everyone encouraged me to walk away. I had to do 'what was best' for our daughter. Well, in my heart, I felt that what was best was for her to have her mommy and daddy, together, and to have her daddy healthy again. It was a long road. A very long road. M was very small and while I am sure she remembers things, she was very sheltered from a LOT of what was going on. It is not like he was sitting there doing drugs with her on his lap. She never witnessed him doing ANYTHING. She never witnessed our big fights. Lots of arguing, yes. As much as I tried to avoid that, it happened. What my daughter has now is her mom and her dad.. together and happy. She has no 'issues', other than being spoiled and hating to be told "NO", but we are working that out! The spoiling comes from being our only child, not so much because of anything else. She has a solid, united family, with rules and traditions, and lots and lots of laughter and love. T is an addict and he always will be an addict. It is a fact in our lives that we cannot change. We keep the lines of communication open as best as we can. Sometimes it takes prodding, but we talk. He is in a TON of pain as his problems gets worse and worse with time. We have started to work on some stretching exercises, working our way to doing some yoga in the future, but it is a very slow process. We lost everything and moved to another state. First to one town, then to another. Our saving grace and our angel, my mother, purchased a house so we had somewhere to live that was decent. A short time later, T was awarded disability and we have paid the mortgage on it ever since. We have a savings account again. We have a nice vehicle again. We have the time to take M and DO things WITH her. We are involved in her education. We have some great neighbors/friends. We found a WONDERFUL church and are active in it. I am a Daisy Scout leader. We got a riding mower so T can do the yard. He helps out when and where he can, but most days it is hard for him to make it out of bed and to the living room. All in all, the best part of it all is this; We are happy. We are happy. Once again. We talk. We laugh. We share. We parent. We care. We have date nights! Our... uh... intimate moments... are back and are wonderful. lol. (There were a few years where that no longer existed. argh.) The pain of what was lost lingers from time to time. Looking at old pictures is sometimes hard. But whenever the sadness creeps in, we remind ourselves how far WE have come. We remind ourselves to just take it one day at a time. We remind ourselves how important it is to NOT repeat the mistakes. We wake each day with grateful thoughts and gratitude-filled hearts. Those that helped us along the way are appreciated more than they know. We can never repay my mom for all that she has done for our family. As it stands right now, she is selling her place in FL and moving up here with us. She is getting older and does not like being alone. She misses us when she goes home and we miss her. It will be nice to have her here for good. I want to be able to take care of HER for once. :) And that.. is that. A love story turned to horror, with a happy ending. ;) I still love him very, VERY much. It is nice to have my T back. We have made a nice life here. I can only hope and pray that it continues on this way... Thanks for reading.

Huh

Wow. I had forgotten all about this place. I got a statcounter e-mail (first one in FOREVER) that let me know someone from Fairhaven, as well as Tampa, and Michigan have been here recently. Huh. Well. Hi. *waves* Life is good. Certainly a LOT better than it was the last time I posted here!!

bubeye

Done here. May pop up elsewhere at some point. Will need a fresh start somewhere else, some day.

Thanks for following along. You can always find me on Facebook for now.

Brain Dump

I wish that I did not love him so much. *sigh*

My brother has a warrant here in this county from 2008.

M's ear draining (she has swimmer's ear) is GROSS. I used to get that a lot as a kid. I had forgotten about the ooze. Yuk.

Her teacher told me yesterday that she is "blossoming in every area! She is amazing!" Then she went on to tell me that M is a joy and she has enjoyed watching her open up. *beams*

I am afraid of the future. I do not know if I am doing the right thing on any front. I have never been one to be so afraid ... ugh.

I am trying to just.. have faith. Believe.. believe that it will all be ok. I keep telling myself to 'just believe' ...

I am hooked on 'The Event' and had NO idea that was Jason Ritter. He is nice to look at. LOL.

My kid says the cutest things. Today she told me that she was ready for the 'confection' in her ear to go away. The other day she was coaxing her toy kitty to 'come to Uncle Maya' .. LOL. I was after her to pick up her toys the other day and she responded by putting her hand on her hip, cocking her head while throwing me a glance and saying "Fiiiiine!" Oy.


And that is it. I guess. I had more, but I have been interrupted so many times while trying to post this!

Jim

Jim has been around for a long time. I mean, you know, on the internet. ;o)
I have switched blogs and platforms so much over the years, that I lose links. I have a copy of my very first blog though, with the link list intact. And every so often I venture in there and have a look-see. Most of the blogs are long gone. Not Jim, though.

The funny things is that I had been thinking about him recently. He had a Nan and Pop, just like me. And when his Nan passed, he moved into her home, and made it his family's new abode. He did tons of remodeling. I remember him posting pictures. It turned out absolutely magical and I was SO happy for him.

I, hopefully, am about to do the same thing. There will be no wild upgrades or remodels or anything like that. I am just going to move my stuff in, and make it mine. You know, if all goes well. It is all still up in the air and I probably should not even be mentioning it, but I am busting at the seams over here. I already know where I am putting things. I am hopeful, and excited, and scared that it won't happen. So I am just pushing the negative aside, and staying positive that that is where I belong, and so it shall be.

*breathes deep*

Venting

People irritate me.

This morning when I logged in to Facebook, there was a story from a local news station about a Deputy who was killed in an early morning accident. The story was an update from the original reporting of the story, and it simply stated that the officer was dead following the accident downtown.

No other details are given.

And the people commenting are going off because they used the word dead.

Now, I know a few people that simply to not like the word, for whatever reason. But I am of the thought that well, it is just a word. Dead is dead. We all die. It is one thing to not like the word, but to go ON and ON about how they should have worded it differently, perhaps to say that the officer passed away, would have been nicer.

Really? Guess what? If someone passes away, they are still dead! Changing the word does not change the fact!

Meh. I am just being pissy I guess. *sigh*

Hmmm

So I was thinking that I would just blog over at the old Mother Hen site for things related to M and parenting and all that. Oooh. A mommyblog! Aren't you all just THRILLED? Hah!

I do know that some of you like to know what is going on in that realm, and I like to blog about her, so why not? I am thinking though, that I may password it, so that I can freely post pictures and stuff.

I just do not know yet. I AM blogging elsewhere. It is a place to dump my heart and soul in regards to T and what has happened. I am not putting it out there, as I have clearly done enough of THAT. I just needed a private place to blather on. No one has the URL and I think I am gonna keep it that way.

I am also blogging over at Tikigirl but a lot of that is paid posting. I try my best to keep it real but sometimes I have to stretch LOL.

What else? Hmm. Oh yah. This morning, I promised the pea that she could have a donut this afternoon if she went to school with no screaming (because she started in first thing this morning!)and no drama. Bad mama, I know. But she does not get that sort of thing often at all. We eat pretty healthy over here. So, it was a treat. She was a doll this morning and her teachers said she had another GREAT day! YAY! So, we went to D and D and she got a chocolate milk and a strawberry frosted donut with sprinkles.

And I managed to lose my Paypal debit card while there. I called the store but no one turned it in. I am pretty sure I lost it in the parking lot. I had stuffed it in my pocket and my pockets are shallow. Pea sat in the front seat with me while she ate. When I got out to buckle her into her seat, I am sure it fell out into the parking lot. Ah well.

So I transferred the money to my bank account, cancelled the card, and requested a new one.

No studying til tonight after the pea is in bed...as my mom is at work today. Anxious to get it all done so I can get a J O B.

Had to go to Tampa today to bring T his checks. The palm trees in my old backyard are so dead, one of them fell over. Ugh. Makes me so very sad. But, I cannot dwell on what was lost. I allow myself to cry when I need to, but all of that shit is no longer my focus.

M and our future IS what my focus is and will continue to be.

I am DYING to get back to the gym. The next time I take a body pump class, it is going to KILL me since I have not been in like a month. Major suckage right there.
I was going to get back into it this week, but feel like death due to a wonderful sinus infection. ugh.

Aaannnd that is all me thinks. Off to watch my guilty pleasure (Days of Our Lives. SHUSH.) and then I am off to Walgreens for more Nyquil, Vicks and tissues!!

Til next time........